Spoon Theory

     Spoon Theory: A way of explaining a couple of things to non-disabled folks. One, that all of us have different amounts of energy. Two, that all of our daily tasks - easy and complex - require different amounts of energy for each of us. 

     An example for #2: I love computers. I enjoy working on them. I'm the one who will be setting up our new computers, everything from updating and adding the software essentials to managing our security. When working on computers, I am 100% energized and at peace. 

     But that is not how computer work affects everyone. While I walk away from hours working on computers, others are completely exhausted after 30 minutes. Computers are stressful and frustrating for some. 

     So if units of energy are represented by spoons, then not only do I have to use fewer spoons than my comparison person, but it's likely that I will walk away from computer work with more spoons than I started out with. My comparison person will walk away from a computer with zero spoons. 

     One of the consequences of being subjected to long-term emotional abuse is that, as time goes by, we have fewer and fewer spoons. I've been married for over 20 years. The emotional abuse wasn't addressed until just over a year ago. It wasn't taken seriously until last summer. 

     As a consequence, my supply of spoons is frightenedly low. I have little to no coping skills. Yes, I've been in therapy. For a long while. I'm on hiatus right now because of gaps in my health insurance this year. 

     Something you should know about me: I have the worst luck. Like, seriously bad luck. And with my bad luck, sometimes when it rains, it pours. Today was a non-stop, torrential downpour. 

     It started with my former supervisor asking me if I could log into my work laptop. I had been sent an email from HR regarding my resignation and it needed to be addressed. So I did.

     I was not prepared for how emotional that was going to be. I talked to the women who went through training with me when we were all hired nearly two years ago. I said my goodbyes. And I checked my damned email. 

     One of the things I needed to do was follow a link in the email to a digital copy of my resignation and save that file for myself. But, hysterically, when I clicked the link, I received the message that I did not have authorization to view that file. So now I'm crying but also laughing hysterically. 

     I told my supervisor and logged off. My problem is that I needed two pieces of specific documentation so that my husband could add me to his insurance*. One piece was documentation that I am no longer employed there. The other is to document when my health insurance coverage will end as a result of my resignation. 

     My supervisor told me to contact my health insurance - which is another branch of my former employer - and request that they send me a letter called a Certificate of Coverage. 

     Since I was so emotional, I elected to send them a message. Usually they respond right away. This time it took hours. They told me that they could not provide the letter. They could see that I was no longer employed there but their system hadn't updated yet. They could send me the letter 7-10 days after their system updates. 

     How long will it take for their system to update? Really, who tf knows. Anyone who watches the news has probably figured out that my employer does not excel with computer systems. 

     They suggested I contact HR and ask them for a copy of my resignation information to show that I am no longer employed there. With a big, exaggerated sigh, I called them. These calls tend to be so unproductive that the image I use with HR's contact info is a big, fat middle finger.  

     True story: I lost my health insurance at the end of last year because I wasn't working enough hours. But then my hours increased so I became eligible in February. It took HR 29 days to actually get me signed up for said benefit. During those 29 days, I had to open multiple tickets - because they kept closing them without resolving the issue - and received 0 of 7 promised return calls. 

     And then I had to go without any pay on a couple of paychecks because I was eligible on February 1, even though I didn't actually get my coverage until March. That means that not only was I paying my health insurance premium with a deduction from my paycheck but also they took double amounts for a few checks because I had to pay for the February coverage. Coverage I did not get to use.

     Anyway. HR told me that I would need to talk to the benefits center. They transferred me. And then the benefits center picked up the phone and, oopsie, hung up on me. 

This is getting long so I'll continue the saga of the downpour later.

*Health insurance in the US commonly has one sign-up period, usually near the end of the calendar year. Generally, you can add a dependent to your health insurance at any other time only if there is a change in circumstance. And then you have to be able to provide documentation to prove it.