He spoke about something I discuss freely. He has this asinine belief that not speaking about it will somehow share me some of my anguish.
No, you stubborn, silly man. Speaking of it lets me know that I am not alone. I feel very alone right now.
The topic was losing contact with our granddaughter. We didn't have children together so she is the first child who didn't come to a relationship with him with any reservations. He was just her granddaughter. He adores her. She adored him.
One thing we were both dedicated to was ensuring that she had the kind of life we wished for her. And we wanted to spoil her.
Ironically, he spoke about how isolated he feels right now. I listened to him on this subject and told him ... that was how I felt last summer, when you were at your worst.
I am of two minds on this. On the one hand, I'm glad that he understands how I felt. On the other hand, I wish he didn't have reason to.
We talked about how she says "oh grandma" (or grandpa) that is infinitely cute and adorable. It also has shades of the teenager she'll become. And she is going to be a handful.
Not going to lie, I was 100% looking forward to her mom understanding the challenges her own parents faced.
Fuck. I miss her so much. This last year has been hell. She was the one pure and good thing in my life. And now I'll never get to see her become that handful teen.
My life is so much less without her.
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